“Sometimes the light’s all shinin’ on me,
Other times I can barely see.
Lately it occurs to me what a long, strange trip it’s been.”
The Grateful Dead
It’s been a long, strange trip indeed, but I’ve arrived at a position of gratitude, at least for the time being.
I was feeling VERY sorry for myself last night. I haven’t been feeling very good as the chemo effects build up in my system. I admit I am sick of being sick and I am so ready to move on. And then I realized some of the many blessings I have and found that I truly felt gratitude. Here’s a quick list:
1) I have a good prognosis for five-year survival. This is what I hold on to when I wonder if all the hassle, the neuropathy, the other side effects are worth it. Of course it is worth it, I am going to make it. I had an 85-90% statistical chance of surviving when I started treatment. I have been fully compliant with everything the doctors recommended, and my treatment results have been all any one could expect. I’m not a doctor, but I figure that has to give me even better odds.
2) I have so much support from family, friends, church family, coworkers, and even people I wouldn’t have recognized before I got sick. I appreciate this support so much and I can feel it holding me up on some of my down days. Did you know that single people are less likely to comply fully with therapy due to not having the support of a spouse? So many have stepped in to fill this void in my life, and you have my gratitude. God seems so far away some days, and these people remind me that He is still very close. Thank you so very much. I am so grateful for this gracious support network.
3) I have moved into my new home. I am no longer in my old, noisy neighborhood, and I don’t live in an apartment next to “that couple” that swore at and fought with each other almost daily. I have HUGE gratitude for my peaceful neighbors and the pleasant, beautiful neighborhood. The former owners did such a nice job on the house and yard. I am the beneficiary of a well put-together house that just works for my life style and a yard that lifts my spirits due to their well-planned plantings. Much gratitude goes to them! I could not have planned the yard as well as they did and it is so beautiful and peaceful.
4) I have replaced my beloved Miko with two black labs. Miko was so beautiful and intelligent, but she seemed to have a screw loose and would attack with little or no warning. That is just more dog than I can handle going through cancer. I am comforted, though, that I did work with different trainers and the breeder before giving up on that dog. I hated to let her go because she was so intelligent and our family loved her. But, it’s good to know I won’t be that person on the news saying “I can’t believe my Fluffy hurt the poor mailman….”
5) 2 more injections to keep my WBC up, 1 more chemo treatment, 1 inpatient surgery and 1 outpatient surgery to go. In other words, I AM ALMOST DONE WITH THIS!!! 🙂
So those are my thoughts on gratitude for the day. If you’ve read this far, I am grateful for you, because you are part of my therapy! I also hope that people in situations to me will find some comfort and inspiration to help them through their dark days. I truly, really wish I could take them away. I can’t do that, but perhaps I can offer a little bit of hope and light at the end of the tunnel.
Psalms 118:24 This is the day which the LORD has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.